Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Nice Cover of One of My Favorite Songs
Wonderful cover (on autoharp, no less) of The Troggs "With a Girl Like You," featured prominently in the must-see film Flirting (a movie made all the more enjoyable by the presence of one Thandie Newton).
Be sure to check of Sarahvideos other great covers, including Dinosaur Jr., Mazzy Star, Leonard Cohen, Neutral Milk Hotel, Billy Bragg and even The Misfits.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Coffee for Those Who Think Rat's Milk Isn't Pricey Enough
Click here for the ultimate way to "calm you down and pick you up."
Thank you, Dan Gezelter (known to some Sally Forth readers as the elderly next door neighbor I killed in the strip) for the heads-up.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Statement That Sounds Much Deeper Than It Really Is
Overheard while walking on Fifth Avenue this evening...
Woman on Cell Phone: What does it matter how beautiful a button is if you don't have the fucking hole for it?!?
Woman on Cell Phone: What does it matter how beautiful a button is if you don't have the fucking hole for it?!?
The Berenstain Bears: The Movie (No, This Is Not a Joke)
Hot on the heels of Owen Wilson being cast as the voice of the title character in the upcoming Marmaduke movie (also not a joke) comes word The Berenstain Bears will also appear in their own live action/CGI movie.
But what will this future financial juggernaut, multiple award-winning masterpiece be about? Common sense would indicate it will focus on such well-known, high-octane, gripping tomes as The Berenstain Bears Visit the Dentist, The Berenstain Bears Count Their Blessings and The Berenstain Bears Get the Gimmies.
But I strongly suggest the screenwriters look for inspiration in the upstanding ursine family's lesser-known adventures, especially those that show them throwing off the shackles of civilization and finally embracing their grizzly and grislier instincts. So with that in mind, which Berenstain book do you think would make the best transition from page to screen?
The Berenstain Bears Rub Themselves against Trees
The Berenstain Bears Wander Aimlessly for Several Days in Search of Suitable Mating Partners
The Berenstain Bears Cough Up a Moose Tendon
The Berenstain Bears Commit Infanticide
The Berenstain Bears Evacuate Their Bowels in a Nearby Parking Lot
The Berenstain Bears Sever a Deer's Coronary Artery
The Berenstain Bears Feast on Carrion
The Berenstain Bears Display Sexual Dimorphism
The Berenstain Bears Eviscerate a Couple of Campers and Their Dog
The Berenstain Bears Are Taken Out with a .44 Magnum-Level Semi-Automatic
Friday, October 30, 2009
How to Join an After-Work Pack and Commence Your Slow Descent in Communal Alcoholism
How many times have you watched a nature documentary and thought, “So this is how I’m spending another Friday night—watching a lion eviscerate an elk. Man, why did I ever break up with Kim? Or, more precisely, why did I ever let Kim break up with me? Why didn’t I do something? She always said I lacked initiative so this could have been my big chance to prove her wrong! I could have kept calling her. I could have kept following her. I could have surprised her with flowers or a sudden appearance in her bushes. Maybe then we’d be together instead of me sitting alone watching some big, fat cat mount another big, fat OH GOD, KIM! IF YOU’RE READING THIS THEN PLEASE, PLEASE TAKE ME BACK! I’LL STOP DRINKING! I’LL STOP GAMBLING! I’LL STOP BETTING ON HOW MUCH I CAN DRINK! JUST PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH MY THOUGHTS IN SOME VACATIONING FAMILY’S HOUSE AS I WATCH THEIR CABLE TV!!!”
So to summarize, coworkers are a lot like lions. Lions travel in a pack or “pride” (a word you’ll rarely hear during your professional years) to ensure their mutual survival. Similarly, coworkers travel in packs to bars to ensure that they just don’t go home all alone after work to watch yet another nature documentary as they silently wish that they were dead.
But like an outside lion seeking entrance into a pride, you can’t just join an employee drinking pack. You have to be welcomed into one. You have to wait for a coworker to vouch for you by saying “She’s cool” or “He’s gonna follow us anyway.” Once invited you’ll then be asked how you like working for the company. BE CAREFUL! This is not some idle chit chat. This is an incisive character test not unlike the ones G.I.’s used in World War II movies when they asked undercover Nazis who won the 1936 World series (only for the hapless spy to answer, “Herr Donald Duck.”) Respond cheerfully, “I love working there!” and the others will automatically peg you as the manager’s pet or mole (or perhaps pet mole). Respond truthfully, “If someone had told me when I was a kid that I would spend my entire adult life in marketing I never would have recuperated from Scarlet Fever” and you’ll be back on your couch watching two gorillas corner a screaming cameraman. Your best option is to find that happy middle ground and respond, “It’s a job.” Then quickly share an embarrassing anecdote about a fellow but absent staff member. After all, coworkers feast on gossip like a palsied zebra.
Having now ensconced yourself in the employee pack, you have to maintain your membership by being entertaining but not overwhelming. Catty but not cutting. Agreeable but not too pliable. And smart but not so you leave the rest of the table wondering what the fuck an “Archimedes’ screw” is. You must also be the first to buy a round of drinks for everyone at the table. Pack-wise this is the equivalent of bringing in a “fresh kill, “ thereby proving your value to the rest of the members. (Unless, of course, you return with six cans instead of six tumblers and say, “Johnny Walker Blue, Pabst Blue Ribbon, what’s the difference?”)
Once alcohol is introduced, though, self-control is almost always reduced. And once the little editor in your mind is too drunk to operate your verbal seven-second delay you may very well say something that could get you kicked out of the pack or—depending on the comment—the industry. But until then at least you won't be sitting at home another night, sobbing copiously as a meerkat is mourned to the strains of Sarah McLachlan's "I Will Remember You."
So to summarize, coworkers are a lot like lions. Lions travel in a pack or “pride” (a word you’ll rarely hear during your professional years) to ensure their mutual survival. Similarly, coworkers travel in packs to bars to ensure that they just don’t go home all alone after work to watch yet another nature documentary as they silently wish that they were dead.
But like an outside lion seeking entrance into a pride, you can’t just join an employee drinking pack. You have to be welcomed into one. You have to wait for a coworker to vouch for you by saying “She’s cool” or “He’s gonna follow us anyway.” Once invited you’ll then be asked how you like working for the company. BE CAREFUL! This is not some idle chit chat. This is an incisive character test not unlike the ones G.I.’s used in World War II movies when they asked undercover Nazis who won the 1936 World series (only for the hapless spy to answer, “Herr Donald Duck.”) Respond cheerfully, “I love working there!” and the others will automatically peg you as the manager’s pet or mole (or perhaps pet mole). Respond truthfully, “If someone had told me when I was a kid that I would spend my entire adult life in marketing I never would have recuperated from Scarlet Fever” and you’ll be back on your couch watching two gorillas corner a screaming cameraman. Your best option is to find that happy middle ground and respond, “It’s a job.” Then quickly share an embarrassing anecdote about a fellow but absent staff member. After all, coworkers feast on gossip like a palsied zebra.
Having now ensconced yourself in the employee pack, you have to maintain your membership by being entertaining but not overwhelming. Catty but not cutting. Agreeable but not too pliable. And smart but not so you leave the rest of the table wondering what the fuck an “Archimedes’ screw” is. You must also be the first to buy a round of drinks for everyone at the table. Pack-wise this is the equivalent of bringing in a “fresh kill, “ thereby proving your value to the rest of the members. (Unless, of course, you return with six cans instead of six tumblers and say, “Johnny Walker Blue, Pabst Blue Ribbon, what’s the difference?”)
Once alcohol is introduced, though, self-control is almost always reduced. And once the little editor in your mind is too drunk to operate your verbal seven-second delay you may very well say something that could get you kicked out of the pack or—depending on the comment—the industry. But until then at least you won't be sitting at home another night, sobbing copiously as a meerkat is mourned to the strains of Sarah McLachlan's "I Will Remember You."
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Things to Consider as You Search for the Ultimate Halloween Costume
You’re Already Too Late: Too late, that is, to score any of the highly ornate, exceedingly well-tailored costumes that wow associates, win prizes and wreck bank accounts. Such outfits have long been snapped up by frighteningly eager goths, professional party guests such as the Hilton sisters and the type of individuals who start greedily rubbing their hands together in anticipation of Thanksgiving turkey…sometime around April. In short, you’ve been outmaneuvered by idiots, a sobering thought to say the least.
Do Not Dress As Popular Newsmakers: Balloon Boy, Bernie Madoff, Michael Jackson, an impregnated Jaycee Dugard. Unless you want to look like part of a well-funded and poorly supervised cloning experiment, avoid them all. What you may perceive as “clever and cutting-edge” will seem less so when you’re taking the M5 bus down with 25 people dressed exactly like you (a phenomenon as known as the "You bought the pimp costume, too?"). Believe me, right now several hundred people in your town alone are at this very moment attaching a small mylar dirigible and basket to their body, practicing throwing up in front of Meredith Viera and thinking, "Man, is everyone going to be surprised!"
Think “Homemade”: Okay, so the idea of hot-gluing two pipe cleaners to your head, wrapping yourself up in several rolls of aluminum foil and going as “The Insectoid Who Shouldn’t Be Microwaved” doesn’t exactly fill your heart with the Halloween spirit. But with a minimum of both props and shame, you should have no trouble cobbling together a costume quickly and on the cheap. Why not take those yellowed bed sheets you keep in the attic for some reason and go as “The Jaundiced Ghost”? Why not switch clothes with your spouse and go as “The Couple with a Secret”? Or why not just grow a goatee and go as “My Evil Twin”? What you lack in funds and finesse your fellow guests will more than make up for with cruel, cutting retorts.
Do Not Dress As Popular Newsmakers: Balloon Boy, Bernie Madoff, Michael Jackson, an impregnated Jaycee Dugard. Unless you want to look like part of a well-funded and poorly supervised cloning experiment, avoid them all. What you may perceive as “clever and cutting-edge” will seem less so when you’re taking the M5 bus down with 25 people dressed exactly like you (a phenomenon as known as the "You bought the pimp costume, too?"). Believe me, right now several hundred people in your town alone are at this very moment attaching a small mylar dirigible and basket to their body, practicing throwing up in front of Meredith Viera and thinking, "Man, is everyone going to be surprised!"
Think “Homemade”: Okay, so the idea of hot-gluing two pipe cleaners to your head, wrapping yourself up in several rolls of aluminum foil and going as “The Insectoid Who Shouldn’t Be Microwaved” doesn’t exactly fill your heart with the Halloween spirit. But with a minimum of both props and shame, you should have no trouble cobbling together a costume quickly and on the cheap. Why not take those yellowed bed sheets you keep in the attic for some reason and go as “The Jaundiced Ghost”? Why not switch clothes with your spouse and go as “The Couple with a Secret”? Or why not just grow a goatee and go as “My Evil Twin”? What you lack in funds and finesse your fellow guests will more than make up for with cruel, cutting retorts.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
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